pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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