Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
