You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
