I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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