Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
What did we do last night that was yellow?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
