This girl is more easily done than said...
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
My breath smells like gin and sadness
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
