Nicole vs. Life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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