You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
