she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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