Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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