Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
