Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize