Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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