A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
