Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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