Plan B is the new Plan A
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?