you would pick up someone in the library
stop calling my apartment porn island.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?