I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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