Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog