I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
where are my eyebrows?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
