two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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