Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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