Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
