Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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