what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
She's not a foreskin expert like you
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
this is an emotional support booty call
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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