im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
