I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
