I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
