oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
