It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
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