I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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