She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
whose parrot is this?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
