OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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