before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
