i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
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