my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
