He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
