yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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