I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
