he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
