Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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