just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
