it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
