Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
