We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.