There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
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I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"