walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
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she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
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I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that