margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
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Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
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Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night