Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list