I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
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I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?