I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize