I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize