I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
