Duck Duck Cougar?
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
