Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
