she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
