just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
