my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
