we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Randomize
