If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
