cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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