its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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