They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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