We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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