how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
