He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
my poor anus
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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