im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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