I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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