I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
