If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
