Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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