I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize