I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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