Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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