dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
she pinky promised me she was 18
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
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