This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Operation Purity has been aborted
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
