the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
