True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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