There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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