I can text with my tongue
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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