i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
