your thong is hanging out like whoa
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
